There is a quote by John Donne that writes �Truly� affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it.� I agree with this wholeheartedly, and in search of better ways to explain why, I stumbled upon a web site and pulled from it the following sentences: �In this fallen world, the door of love is named Sacrifice and the door of wisdom Pain. Looking back over the decades, I see that I have learned almost nothing from my good times, almost all from my bad ones.�

It�s worth a glance over, if you have the time and aren�t the type to be scared away from God-talk. So, let me explain what I�ve been going through the last several days� first, I want to say that yesterday was wonderful, one of those �good times� that, thanks to recent �bad times�, I knew to appreciate tenfold. I played hackey-sack with the family for an entire afternoon, learning new tricks and getting a sunburn. Something tells me summer is coming! But anyway, back to my little drama�

For one reason or another, a very good friend of mine became drastically distant within a matter of days. Out of fear of something I may have done, concern for something she may be going through, and indignation for something she may be keeping from me, I was determined to see her in person. I�m not the kind of person who lets things sit and fester until you have to amputate them. Until it�s too late. She blew me off effectively enough, abrupt and cursory in person, eye contact almost gone. So Saturday, when I called her 2 minutes after she left me a message and she did not pick up her phone, I went to her place.

And I waited. And I waited. And I transcribed poetry, and I sipped my iced tea, and I smoked, and I talked to strangers passing by, and I waited.

Finally, dejected and having to pee, I slipped a note in her door and I went home. And I broke down. In my frustration, I slammed my hand against the wall, I grunted and groaned like a cavewoman giving birth, and finally, I sat down and cried like a hungry child. My sisters were worried about me, Bunny and Kitty were concerned that every time they called, I had to hang up the phone because I could no longer talk through the sobs. What had happened? Why would someone I consider a �friend� decide to completely ignore me? I figured that there HAD to be a logical explanation. I refused to believe that she was actually avoiding me, I must be overreacting.

But the evening came, and I received no call. No, �hey, I�m sorry, I had my ringer off,� no �Listen, there is something wrong, and we need to talk.� Nothing. And I realized that this person may hold forever inside herself whatever IT is that keeps her in hiding. And it�s sad. And I hurt in the most gut-wrenching way. But I�m letting it go. It�s unfortunate when someone�s guilty conscience or hidden resentment outweighs their love for a friend. But in this case, surprisingly, that love wasn�t heavy enough, and I�m throwing in the towel.

�A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.� � Paul Bourget

�Don�t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.� � Leo Buscaglia

-Barbarella

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