Already this morning Iíve had a handful of experiences that have caused me to feel a variety of emotions. First of all, it seemed as if I was SURROUNDED by SUVs for my entire commute to work. Most of them had little jesus fish on the back, and I couldnít help but be sickened by all of the middle-class mom-types I saw driving them. Do I define people by their cars? No, not exactly. But, stereotypes have their merit, and everyone I know personally who drives one of those status-announcing gas-guzzlers, happens to fit the bill to a fucking T .
In other news, I heard the West Hollywood lifestyle version of Mr. Lynchís song, ďWhatever,Ē and I laughed out loud. Even better than the Bush parody you catch on the radio, this was fun, and I swear, everything that boy said, Iíve heard before right here in Hillcrest. Instead of saying the word fast and hard, the gay boy dragged it out like a woman on a talk show, What Ė EHVEEER. Thatís some funny shit right there.
I have issues. It took going back to school for me to realize what a fucking basket case I am. All it takes is a daunting assignment and a later-than-I-like hour, and I break down! I canít tell you why I get so overwhelmed and stressed over a thing as small as one assignment. I honestly donít know where this stems from. I need to get over this feeling that itís impossible to do a good job and stay sane, or else Iíll just manifest my fears about failing and lose my mind in the process. M.s. has had his share of seeing me in this state. Probably more than anyone else has, which is unsettling. Why? Because when no one sees you freak out, itís like it didnít happen.
When someone doesÖ letís just say itís easier for you to deny stupid little things about yourself when no one is around to see them. Itís easy to indulge in fears, stress and worry when no one is telling you that itís not worth it to fear, stress, and worry. I wonder now, how much time and energy I spend pissed off and overwhelmed. In the meantime, Iím just going to try and get homework done one assignment at a time, and Iím going to try to remember that itís JUST a class. And that even if I think both my professor and her assignments are a fucking joke, Iím only helping myself by doing them and moving onto the next.
Is it the next yet?