“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” - Bertrand Russell
I am reminded of the term, “letting-go.” This is what we mean when we tell someone to get over themselves. You’re not that important, this piece of paper is not the beginning or the end of the world, so LET GO of your attachment and obsession with its perfection and move on to the next.
Last night, M.s. and I had a fun time sifting through more than half of my hundreds of entries. Occasionally one of us would interrupt the other to read a particularly funny line or bring back a memory. This is why I journal. I enjoy reflecting on captured thoughts, feelings, and ideas. The only difference between me and many other people out there, many other journalers (Barbarism), is that I am unapologetic and unwavering in my determination to capture my thoughts as they are, when they are, how they are. I accept the notion that five minutes after typing or writing something, my opinion-my thought-my feeling may change. This does not negate what I wrote. Thoughts, like people, exist, they ARE, so how can we shun them after they happen? What right do we have to cover them and pretend they were never there?
Just because I love you now doesn’t mean I didn’t despise you a moment ago. This is one of the aspects of humanity that enthralls me – our ability to change. We convince ourselves otherwise, but when it comes down to it, we each have the will to change in whatever ways we wish (and thanks to technology we can even switch our genders). I have no patience for someone who is trapped in his own definition for himself, and I frustrate myself when I find I am trapped in the same way.
I used to be trapped in my definition of myself that I WAS the party. I still believe I can embody the essence of frivolity, but I no longer feel like I have to live up to my own definition. How utterly liberating that can be.
But anyhoo, I’m working on some very interesting things (oh, don’t you want to know!) This weekend, my Ollie is in town - YAY!!! Oh, the things we have planned! I’ll tell you ALL about it on Monday. Every dirty little nasty detail.
Now I’ll have to make sure we have a dirty little nasty weekend! Shouldn’t be difficult.