Okay, that was a trip... I'm sitting here at my desk, all stressed out and funked up because I have a lot to do and I am in no mood to do anything but lay in bed and stare at the gray sky, but I have that fucking Shakira song looping in my head, "I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel you boy," over and over and over. Then, as though I had somehow manifested the song out of thin air, I actually start to hear it, like not in my head, but outside of my head. Then I realize that someone on the street, 6 stories below, is blasting that shit from their convertible, and it's traveling up between buildings. Seeing as this song is played every 15 minutes on every rap and hip hop station, I guess it's not such a strange coincidence. But, for a moment, I felt very powerful.

M.s. is WAY stressed. He's got so much to do. I am way stressed, but the shit I've had to do is still the same old shit I haven't done, which only makes me angry and frustrated with myself, a dangerous combination with the stress. Neither of us are very fun to be around when we're stressed. I'm trying to psyche myself up for a brisk walk to Balboa Park, a little fresh air, a little clarity, a little tear-me-out-of-this-cycle of thinking about all of the things I need to do but not actually doing any of them. God, it's a bitch. It's so stupid, but so easy to succumb to.

So I'll change the subject. Last night was nice, dinner for Ollie at Antico Toscano, my favorite Italian restaurant in town. The food was spectacular and Luca was wonderful, gave us the mostly private back room for the dining soiree. Nice.

Tonight, more birthdays. It's a triple whamee (sp?) I'll be driving down to Chula Juana to celebrate Jenny's (May 4), Sean's (May 12), and Dad's (May 17) birthdays. Then tomorrow morning, Mother's Day stuff.

I look forward to spending time with my psychotic family. But still, more than anything, I just want to crawl back into bed with this book, Shadow of the Wind, and intermittently stare at the gray sky as I read, trying not to think of anything, anything else.

-Barbarella

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