Okay, like I�m honestly half-asleep right now. I need to knock off this nocturnal shit. I just can�t fall asleep at night anymore, I find myself reading until the wee hours. See what happens when we slip out of routine? I find it ironic that I�m in this schedule-that�s-not-a-schedule, stuck in the lack of time constraints when usually, I�m so freakin� anal about time. It�s interesting, is all. Perhaps I�m learning something, even on that simple level of patience and living without those constraints we forget to realize that we put on ourselves. Because I�ll tell you, when I forget to bind myself in time, there�s no one else around here doing it for me, and well, it�s kind of nice.

Anyway, Monday. Right. A lot to do. Job search, clean, mail bills, pack. Pack. Get ready to move and then move again. I�m looking into my own personal crystal ball and I see myself floating, unsettled, unsure, flying with wings but no steering wheel, at least for the next couple of months. I hope I can let go and glide on the wind, because if I try to hold onto nothing, as there is nothing to really hold on to, I will go insane. Could be a fun ride, if I let it.

Saturday night, after I sat by the window and read a good book, watching the rain fall on the pavement, I got up and went to a party. The party? A festive gathering at the Real House, a group of friends I�d not really hung with in awhile, and I had a great time. I�ll never get the image of Blove�s face as his ear was violated by a mad-humper. Use your imagination, that one�s for my mental-need-to-laugh-hysterically-so-what-can-I-picture files. Oh yeah, it�s right up there with the image of a butter knife landing on my father�s head, as the little slab of butter that my sister was trying so hard to slice flew across the table and slapped him in the face with a little �thwap�. Oh, the laugh files. So many, many more.

But as I was saying, the party was fun, people milling about and fondling each other, people sitting off to the side and bonding with conversation, others catching up, games played, paper airplane races and wars, you name it. I didn�t stay very late, but I had had my fill and was satisfied enough to go home and finish that book I had started only hours before. So here I am. Monday. Need a job, but I need to move. Need to cancel services, need to forward services. Like I said, a lot to do. Usually, right now I�d be very overwhelmed, freaking out, what to do first? How can I handle all that? But somehow, I�m in a pretty mellow state of mind. One thing at a time, plug away. Remember algebra, and I�m all good. I can do that. Sure I can.

-Barbarella

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