ďMy will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no manís doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.Ē - Elaine Maxwell
Friday I didnít get anyone on their knees, but I did get to spank a few naughty boys and girls with a riding crop. Sigh, good times, good times. The office party was fun, and I got to skip out early. I did not go to any Halloween parties that evening. Saturday, I woke up early, had breakfast out with M.s., and headed down to Chula Juana to hang with the girls in my family (and one very little boy). Oh, itís always fun, however psychotic, to spend time with my three sisters and mother all together. The laughter, well, itís more like hysteria. The snapping is chronic, and there are noises made that shouldnít exist.
We had a lot of fun. We took pictures holding Janeís baby-infested belly, making faces, and laughing. Laughter is such a wonderful thing. Eventually, I came to the realization that there was NO WAY I could get my homework done down there, so I headed home with my U.S. Constitution book and my laptop. Holy fuck, I LOVE my laptop! YAY!! ibook, how I cherish the things you can do for me. I have some new, fun programs to play with as well, like Keynote (for presentations), and Photoshop 7.0 (for fun). But back to my day of work.
I went home and read. And read, and highlighted, and read, and re-read, and read some more. Condensed, boring material, I didnít think Iíd get through it. But, hours later, I did. I got through it. More importantly, I kind of understood some of it. Proud of myself for doing all of the reading, I went to bed content, if not a little bit worried about the paper I still had to write.
Yesterday was a struggle for me. I was frustrated with the homework assignment. I felt like it was impossible to take all that I read, all that I researched, and squeeze it into a paper that made sense. But I worked on it, and I finished it. Then I reworked it, and finally, I was happy with it. I feel prepared to go into class tonight. Feeling prepared is such a great feeling! Usually, Iím fairly stressed before a class. Huh. Go figure. Studying pays off. So does struggling through it until you see the light at the end of the paper.
Today I am meditating on a quote from my favorite thinker, Emerson:
What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great person is one who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.