“Love is like war; easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H.L. Mencken
Lately, I have heard many people say, “Barb, be careful what you wish for.” If I didn’t know better, I would think I wielded a magic wand, the way my thoughts and desires have been manifesting themselves. There is a quote on my desk at the office (which I will not be in for the next two weeks, but that’s another story), that reads, “Always, be true to yourself.”
The plight of the opinionated is that there will always be those who disagree with your opinion. There will always be those who balk at the truth, or your interpretation of the truth, which in most cases is pretty fuckin’ close to the truth.
So where does that leave me right now? My life, as always, is consistently wonderful. Today is my younger sister’s birthday, and she is embarking on new growth in her own life, new school and new love and new wonderments. I am in a healthy, loving relationship with a talented, intelligent, and doting man (if you can’t tell by now, I need to be doted upon). He encourages and supports me in ways that have allowed me to further step into my true self. My sisters are bringing new life into the world in the form of my niece and nephews. My mother is growing in love and in life. My father and I are going to hit up Sea World this week (woo hoo!) Rarely does life get better than it is for me, right now.
Having this full day before class does not help much on the procrastination front. I’m only halfway through my assignment, but similar to high school journalism, I always did my best work under pressure. We’ll see about that. Let’s come back to that quote above for a minute, though. Similar to love or war, being true to yourself is difficult to stop once you begin. Once you are honest with yourself about how you feel, what you want out of life, it’s near to impossible to pretend any different. Once you have tasted how purifying and liberating honesty can be, in all its good and bad forms, how could you digest the cluttered bullshit that people keep trying to feed you? That you try to feed yourself?
What never fails to surprise me, is how much power people hand to me in their anger and indignation. Pick up this week’s Reader, there is supposed to be a letter from someone who withheld her name for fear of Barbarella’s “poisonous dart.” As Jacob would say, honey, I may be pushing your buttons, but I didn’t install them. I look forward to this letter almost as much as I have looked forward to every wonderful, inspiring, and encouraging email I have received from new readers.
By the way, on that same note, I would like to thank everyone who has sent me an email in response to my publication. You guys rock, and you remind me that there is a lot of support for those of us who are willing to walk through the glass hallway. Here’s to a fabulous week! I can’t wait to tell you all about it!